J A M E S A N D L E E  15 of preventing global warming. I truly wish I could say that it all ended there, but as my father once said, “Son, if you pop a bubble before it’s finished, you’ll never know how big it could have got- ten.” I have absolutely no idea what that means or how it applies here, but eventually this story of utter lunacy and unrivaled mad- ness ends with the total destruction of the earth’s surface, which sent all remaining life retreating underground to survive. How- ever, that is a tale for a different time. For now, let’s get back to Monday morning and the fact that we all live in tunnels. Tunnels. You’ve got to love tunnels. Big ones, small ones, long ones, short ones—they come in all shapes and sizes, but they all have the same purpose: keeping us alive. We live in them, sleep in them, awake in them, eat and drink in them, and, in the end, we are buried in them. Sure, there are a lot of problems associ- ated with tunnel life. Besides being dark, cold, damp, and dirty, there is always the possibilities of cave-ins, flooding, and—if the oxygen pumps fail—suffocation. But after a while, you get used to those trivial kinds of hardships. No, the real problem is the people. It is simple logic really. Wherever there is a person, you will also find a problem. The number of problems then increases relative to any increase in the population. In short, the more peo- ple you have, the more problems you will have. You add to this the fact that all these people are living together 800 meters below the earth’s surface, and—viola—you have many dark, cold, damp, dirty people problems. This is where Lee and I come in. If you were paying attention, Lee and I are librarians. Yes, I said librarians. I know what you must be thinking: What do librarians have to do with people’s problems? Well, that is a good question. And the answer is— nothing. Librarians have absolutely nothing to do with the prob- lems that people make, but they have everything to do with find- ing solutions for said problems. As librarians, we are the keepers of the books. As a matter of fact, we have the largest collection of works on the West Coast…we think. It’s hard to verify since we